tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41162050683065722412012-01-18T00:43:34.744-08:00yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.comBlogger451100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-72874296701942060282012-01-11T04:31:00.000-08:002012-01-18T00:31:26.215-08:00

Fathers. Most of us these days have an absent parent or another who stepped up to take us in as their own. I call one of those men Dad now and I do so with pride. He is so much more than my biological father could be. (all grammer rules are out in this post btw) I think about what would've happened if my mother would've stayed with him. How my education would've suffered. How your and you're

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-49241764400106810202010-02-20T19:42:00.000-08:002010-02-20T19:53:11.051-08:00

Today is the first day of the end of your life. You have no concept of the end because you have no premonition of that ending. The only thing you really know is that you will die. How will that ending come? Are you afraid of that ending? I am. I think we all should be. And that should be a thought in our minds at least once a week. The older we get, the more apparent and rather pressing

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-91342338924727972932009-09-04T19:25:00.001-07:002009-09-04T19:35:31.620-07:00

Dear Diary,Fuck you. Needed to get some thoughts out. LA is burning and the summer is coming to a close. A vacation of sorts while still working. Not to say that I haven't been working as hard as usual. Relationships give a kind of break to the monotony of day to day life and somehow that makes it better. It takes your mind, or rather my mind, off the incessant bombardment of the things I

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-28551881288465329742009-06-21T19:57:00.000-07:002009-06-21T20:07:23.402-07:00

It's usually so clear. What is right and wrong. What you do and don't do. Right now, it's not so clear. My neighbor, yes, he is Mexican. Hanging out at the pool with his children. I know he is a good father. I see him coming home from work at 6 AM. I see how his kids look at him and how they will grow up to be amazing people. How this man is the epicenter of so many lives. How the

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-72778502587816894202009-05-27T20:09:00.000-07:002009-05-27T20:24:14.398-07:00

The ebb and flow is so painful some days. The downs always, and I mean always, outweigh the ups. As we grow older, we distance ourselves from those we love. We move away from our families. We cut the chord. I'm burying myself and I see that. I seldom meet someone I value. I'm beginning to think it's me. I'm starting to believe that I really am alone. That I am somehow more broken than

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-72884672700144015312009-05-27T01:26:00.001-07:002009-05-27T01:30:41.174-07:00

You just fucked someone you shouldn't have. You're thinking about someone moving away. You're trying to figure out how to interview the president because truthfully it could happen if you wanted it bad enough. You're about to turn 33. You've come so far and yet moved so far from what you believe in. You fell in love. You had your heart broken. You no longer believe that skateboarding is

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-30754699935315618922009-05-18T21:21:00.000-07:002009-05-18T21:25:12.506-07:00

It's my Grandfather's birthday today. I called him to wish him a happy birthday. My grandma has bad circulation and had her leg amputated this year. I'm pretty much weeping right now. I'm talking to him and understanding how he feels. It's his birthday. He's been dealing with so much. He's fought cancer over the last year. Lost his hair and been so weak. He's an amazing...AMAZING MAN! I

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-81870898653106726222009-05-04T22:19:00.000-07:002009-05-04T22:31:37.735-07:00

No time to do laundry. Pile of clothes in the corner. One grey sock and one short white one. Ran through the last resort nice clothes. Button up shirts to mask a tired face. So surprising how one can look good on those days. Store to get beer and I know I shouldn't. The short walk to the store is the only time I have to reflect. Get some perspective on things that are happening at the

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-18124189684028062542009-04-20T00:54:00.000-07:002009-04-20T01:05:02.255-07:00

We operate on two different wavelengths. Shooting in different directions and by chance oscillating together for a time. Coinciding in our vibrations and touching for those brief moments while emitting brilliant light between one another. Then we part, and the distance grows. The attraction pulls at us and yet our own driving force propels us along the same path. Memories fade. The doubt

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-61932034190590336532009-04-14T17:30:00.000-07:002009-04-14T17:31:07.847-07:00

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-6556653701576246282009-04-07T22:48:00.000-07:002009-04-07T22:55:41.079-07:00

I'm discontented with my current situation. I'm pushing for something that seems like it will never arrive. The long hard road becomes longer and the light seems to dim in the distance. I reflect on what I've left behind and I wonder whether the light will ever return. Time is passing quickly and each day seems like a notch in something I cannot see nor reflect upon. My cryptic verse never

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-47910754863198005402009-03-17T00:43:00.000-07:002009-03-17T00:46:54.855-07:00

Fuck. It's late. Another 16 hour day. Living in what seems to be a state of perpetual limbo. Kind of redundant I know. The ebb and flow of life through changes but the constant factors are important. Those are what take your time. Relationshit. Focusing on stupid things. I can't get it out of my head. I'm sick of it. I just want to stop thinking about it. It's fucking over. Fuck.

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-88841008024826388992009-03-15T23:32:00.000-07:002009-03-15T23:39:47.888-07:00

Our animal instinct. Our behavior and desire. The inherent willingness. Self-disgust and loathing. Shame and discontent. Projected focus on physical desire and lust. A manifestation of a commonality. A Jungian fulfillment. Verbose and stifling. Or stifling because it's verbose. A sickness within the human animal. The monkey in the corner. The junkie in the street. The darkness that

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-30420926769351941662009-02-24T11:28:00.000-08:002009-02-24T11:40:37.584-08:00

I needed to make a list of things holding me back and write it down. I figure here is as good place so I can be reminded of these things.1. Alcohol - This one is a given. When I'm not drinking, I feel better and I have no excuse to let things slide. That's why I'm putting this one in check and have been doing so for quite some time now.2. Undeserved Favors - I'm sick of people taking

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-63998117979419720212009-02-21T22:11:00.000-08:002009-02-24T12:04:27.619-08:00

CLICK ME DAMMIT!

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-77099297463820801432009-02-06T22:44:00.000-08:002009-02-06T22:52:31.230-08:00

The distant sound of rain echoing on EarthWith a soundboard gutter in the foregroundbringing focus A swimming pool reaching capacity.Flooding over.Oxygen rising as everything becomes cleanMemoriesFalse and true prophecies of the futureFlashes of light and darkPeaceful

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-113135287822323522009-01-29T22:03:00.001-08:002009-01-29T22:35:07.241-08:00

All I do is think. From the time I wake until the last thought when I drift into sleep. We all do this. We never stop. We veer our focus. Distract ourselves. Drink coffee and look at passersby. Somehow, when we feel lonely, our world truly becomes our own. It's like a movie passing before our eyes. Somehow, we aren't really involved. Our relationships seem shallow and our conversations

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-70345712279496057902009-01-19T21:49:00.000-08:002009-01-19T22:29:48.665-08:00

I need a voice recorder. I had to write it. I could put three pages into what will now take me 20 minutes of scrambled fumbling. Rethinking my spelling and grammar. Mazzy Star helps loads in my ears. We go through these phases. These cycles of human interaction. So many of us are distracted for the entirety of our lives. There is no quiet time for self reflection. We have a constant

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-75516871915252517812009-01-17T22:27:00.000-08:002009-01-17T22:53:49.999-08:00

This is part 2 to the one below. Had to go buy a bottle of Sanvgiovese. And then...back to it. The neighbors are fucking failures. It's like a life gone wrong in LA. That should be a show. Divorcees and unhappy couples just basically waiting to die. The decrepit prostitute from long ago who walks her arthritic dogs down the avenue. The recently rewarded trophy wife with the new Lexus who

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-68727585932185648452009-01-17T21:23:00.000-08:002009-01-17T22:01:27.530-08:00

I made dinner tonight for just myself. I went to the store and shopped with my ipod. I hate the shopping experience. Children and shopping carts. People trying to maneuver in an environment while preoccupied by all the pretty sights. Staring at signs and looking for soap in the bread aisle. Running into each other on purpose. Looking for some contact. It's so much easier to dodge and

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-37967339263889468792009-01-11T23:46:00.000-08:002009-01-11T23:54:03.779-08:00

Watched "Control" today about the story of Joy Division. There's a part that always rings strong with me regarding what he wrote about performing. About giving all that he had an how it exhausted him. I relate to that point. It's funny and sad at the same time how I relate and compare myself to people like this. I've been very self reflective lately and trying to decide where I want to focus

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-27947733529022218082008-12-28T18:57:00.000-08:002008-12-28T19:16:28.801-08:00

Often times, I write in my thoughts. I seldom can explain sitting down what I write within myself. I realize this. I need to buy a voice recorder. Outside just now, I explained to myself what I'm feeling. What I'm going through. The cycle that is occurring for me in this place and time. 14 years is a long cycle. Drumming up the past. Solidifying what will come in the future. I know very

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-31532774564728557042008-12-26T23:38:00.000-08:002008-12-26T23:49:16.126-08:00

I was about to go to bed. Those times where you are very comfortable. I didn't want to turn on my computer. I wanted to drift into sleep. Happy. Warm. I looked at the footage I've shot over the years today with a friend. Christmas time it seems very fitting. And the thought I didn't want to let go. The thought about why I do what I do. I document life. What I do is save pieces of life.

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-40797807469873862622008-12-21T22:26:00.001-08:002008-12-21T22:46:26.265-08:00

A friend of mine, my first girlfriend actually, set me some of my old stories and poems. A was a sick little puppy to say the least. Here is something I wrote in 90. I looked through my old shoe boxes today with all my old photos and misc. writings. Fitting that's it during a time that is really difficult. It felt good. It also felt horrible. Letting go of people in my past. Memories of

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-50183893723383429832008-12-21T16:44:00.000-08:002008-12-21T17:03:15.301-08:00

Today, I walked outside to a pool of oil surrounding my car. After 3 hours of clean-up, I realized that I'm fucking stranded in the valley. I decided to open up my shoe boxes of memories and scan some photos. I also found some of my old writings and poetry wedged and tattered in the boxes. This one seemed fitting so I thought I'd start it with this. I think I wrote this when I just turned 19

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-70978949295441894072008-12-18T20:50:00.000-08:002008-12-18T21:13:07.390-08:00

Picturing this scenario at this time. Picturing this life. Picturing this day. What do you dream? What becomes of those dreams? And when you reflect, how do you feel about what you've become? When you are home and all the noise goes away, what do you really feel about your accomplishments? Have you made any progress? And as your look to the future, does it look more bleak than it did in

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-89759885060511949372008-12-17T20:47:00.000-08:002008-12-17T21:02:10.653-08:00

I've been looking through my old videos lately and this one always sticks out in my mind. Although I want to shoot myself for how I film some things and the fact I didn't color correct shit during this time, this is one of my favorite experiences editing. I was editing on the beach. I'd walk down to the water and take breaks. My friend's wife would cook for us and we'd all drink beer and

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-75235517794873875312008-12-16T22:47:00.000-08:002008-12-16T23:01:02.321-08:00

My emotions are always so mixed. Gemini I guess is the culprit. I listen to lyrics that define what I'm feeling. I suppose that is why I love music so much. A Kashmir song "california" explains exactly how I'm feeling, what I'm learning in my life about relationships, and points me in the right direction. I picture myself going insane singing this song in front of an audience and them

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-75910217220637845342008-12-10T22:58:00.000-08:002008-12-10T23:25:36.989-08:00

I've noticed I tend to be a tad long-winded...no shit right? Was going to write an email and decided it was a much better idea to write here instead. Fuck it is the phrase I guess. Ride it out because I must. Look at the horizon and all that bullshit. I'm better off this way. I forget how decent of a person I am sometimes. How much I'm worth underneath the sea of self-deprecation. And

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-13534691027211470492008-12-08T11:57:00.000-08:002008-12-09T17:44:18.675-08:00

Sometimes, everything feels bland. You turn the music up as loud as you can because you think you might be able to feel something. You don't eat for a couple days because it just doesn't seem to be worth it. You stay in bed all day because why would you want to get up anyway. Instead, you pacify yourself in a half-awake dream state because that's the only time you dream. Somehow in the back

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-16382284226992200262008-11-30T23:31:00.000-08:002008-12-07T23:51:58.473-08:00

I've been trying to write more lately and this seems like as good as place as any. The majority of my writing lately has consisted of sustaining my fucked up sense of love. My failing inadequacies as they become more apparent and persist in a way that I cannot change...or will not I suppose. Anyway, I'm breaking from that mode. Tonight, I'm thinking about the state of things and how we have

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-2524172084873394012008-11-28T19:27:00.000-08:002008-11-28T19:52:50.542-08:00

I really don't know how I want to start this. That all too familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. While Driving home, I was thinking about how the words would fit together to describe what is happening to me but it just isn't working that way. I'm at a point right now where I don't want to reveal anything to anyone. I want to wallow in self pity and self disgust. I want to stare into

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-32956133137001539102008-11-24T23:40:00.000-08:002008-11-25T00:12:52.819-08:00

It's all fun right? This life as we work and live. As we write in two syllable words to try and connect with one another. To dumb down our mentality and try and persevere in an environment determined to break us down or kill us. So, this week is an important for me. I have this fire inside me that won't back down. I'm sitting here writing after a 14 hour day and am so flooded that it's

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-59448140518712752062008-11-20T14:59:00.000-08:002008-11-20T15:14:50.149-08:00

Just wanted to put something together from my mass of media that I'm too busy to touch. I'm missing home right now so much I can barely stand it. This always makes me feel better. It's the view at my parents house in the country.

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-49586363366415466252008-11-07T15:16:00.000-08:002008-11-07T15:30:58.231-08:00

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-50949236354100514712008-11-01T19:15:00.000-07:002008-11-01T19:31:57.841-07:00

I need to write but it all seems like garbage right now. Like the textbook (not literally) writer who is throwing away reams of paper because they can't start something of worth. They write and throw away. That sums up today and how I feel about my general state of being. It's not worth starting. One has to be sick of reading my madness. I over think everything and things linger for too

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-15302777779926453852008-10-29T19:54:00.000-07:002008-10-29T20:08:20.902-07:00

Let me set a precursor here. I set myself up for disappointment. I search for despair. I look for the ways in which I can be hurt the most. That is who I am. In some fucked up way, that is the only way I feel that I can learn. I don't learn from happiness. Yes, I realize I am writing like a fucking monosyllabic idiot. That's how my whole life feels right now. It feels as if I am just

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-21532571448519175672008-10-21T19:21:00.000-07:002008-10-21T19:38:00.537-07:00

I'm taking a break at hour 10 of my day to realize how much I did today. It's just a rant really and a good way for me to vent because today, like yesterday, is going to be a 15-hour day. I designed a presentation in InDesign to be sent out to an agency consisting of word documents, pdfs, and a customized cover with logos as well as customized dividers reflecting the color scheme of the client

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-79267441832797502712008-05-13T17:25:00.000-07:002008-05-13T17:42:41.615-07:00

He made a shirt design and inspired me to do the same.

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-64543045749358446552008-04-15T15:03:00.000-07:002008-04-15T16:01:41.337-07:00

This is the highlights of the night I went to SF for the Seasons premiere...or maybe the lowlights. I must provide the set-up of this night correctly. I had a flight at 9:00. Started taken shots of Tequila and drinking beer at 4. Left for the airport at 7. Took a nap on the way. Hour delay on the flight so free wine on the plane. Into SF at 11. Planned on taking the Bart into the city but

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-33259448414567605882008-03-11T18:06:00.000-07:002008-03-11T18:07:24.625-07:00

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-85130182913296149992007-12-11T22:24:00.001-08:002008-05-13T17:47:09.576-07:00

This is me. Violet shot this and I recall the film looks good.I look like a fucking hippie! Could be worse I suppose.

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-62618841451933415222007-12-07T14:50:00.001-08:002007-12-07T14:52:09.106-08:00

So, it's true. Nick's shorts are a little short. Luckily, he had the glasses to bring it back to a power combination.

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-68945456901866349472007-12-07T12:50:00.001-08:002012-01-18T00:38:04.019-08:00

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4116205068306572241.post-65148531884443899212007-12-07T11:55:00.001-08:002008-05-07T12:01:13.235-07:00

I'm currently working on a behind the scenes documentary of Madonna's Confessions Tour. It's proving to be more difficult than I originally thought but will turn out well.

yesit'smehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08966388038399420730noreply@blogger.com0