Particles

We operate on two different wavelengths. Shooting in different directions and by chance oscillating together for a time. Coinciding in our vibrations and touching for those brief moments while emitting brilliant light between one another. Then we part, and the distance grows. The attraction pulls at us and yet our own driving force propels us along the same path. Memories fade. The doubt grows. Different schools of thought and different methods of approach. Commonality being vulnerability and the absence of stability. Questioning our validity to the other. Questioning the reciprocity of our inner feelings. When the only true fact is an apparent end. The hopes that once were, now only fleeting and becoming repressed to once again surface with someone else. When paths one again align and the light will shine oh so brightly for a short time.

Slut, Cunt, Bitch, Whore, Liar!

moving forward

I'm discontented with my current situation. I'm pushing for something that seems like it will never arrive. The long hard road becomes longer and the light seems to dim in the distance. I reflect on what I've left behind and I wonder whether the light will ever return. Time is passing quickly and each day seems like a notch in something I cannot see nor reflect upon. My cryptic verse never seems to do it justice. Neither do my unoriginal sayings as they spew from an uninspired brain. It disgusts me. I know I am a different person from who I was just a short time ago. My focus is transformed as are my intentions. I am overwhelmed by those fleeting moments of kindness that used to fill my entire soul. Perhaps this is me growing up. As Christopher Robin ceases to be the child. His childhood friends of make believe disappearing into the abyss of the human condition. Still feeling the same and overwhelmed by a naivete bombarded and then crushed under the pressures of the world. What a sad thought. Seems to make sense at the present time.

and then

Fuck. It's late. Another 16 hour day. Living in what seems to be a state of perpetual limbo. Kind of redundant I know. The ebb and flow of life through changes but the constant factors are important. Those are what take your time. Relationshit. Focusing on stupid things. I can't get it out of my head. I'm sick of it. I just want to stop thinking about it. It's fucking over. Fuck.

Devout

Our animal instinct. Our behavior and desire. The inherent willingness. Self-disgust and loathing. Shame and discontent. Projected focus on physical desire and lust. A manifestation of a commonality. A Jungian fulfillment. Verbose and stifling. Or stifling because it's verbose. A sickness within the human animal. The monkey in the corner. The junkie in the street. The darkness that simply takes over and fails to return to the light. Happenstance fed and shoulder weight embraced. Emotional waves of vanity hurled into the sickened unknown. Without name nor face, but simple focus. Disgust. For all and for self.

Holding me back

I needed to make a list of things holding me back and write it down. I figure here is as good place so I can be reminded of these things.

1. Alcohol - This one is a given. When I'm not drinking, I feel better and I have no excuse to let things slide. That's why I'm putting this one in check and have been doing so for quite some time now.
2. Undeserved Favors - I'm sick of people taking advantage of me. There are some people who deserve and reciprocate both my kindness and ability. I need to cast aside all the others. This is not in the superficial "LA" way, but in my way. I don't need someone to be able to give me something in return to help them. I do need them to want to do so. I also need them to understand and appreciate what I do for them.
3. Focus and Analyze - I need to analyze an idea completely before I just dive the fuck in. I also need to evaluate what I'm doing as things progress. If it's going nowhere, dump it. I have like 4 of these right now. They are on the way out.
4. Motivation and Movement - I need to start doing things and going place to develop the habit. I get excited about going to shoot something by myself and I don't out of laziness. This is an easy fix. Once the habit is there, the question fails to exist. I just go because that is the only option.

THE DAYS WHEN YOU FEEL ARTISTIC

CLICK ME DAMMIT!