wake up and scream!

No time to do laundry. Pile of clothes in the corner. One grey sock and one short white one. Ran through the last resort nice clothes. Button up shirts to mask a tired face. So surprising how one can look good on those days. Store to get beer and I know I shouldn't. The short walk to the store is the only time I have to reflect. Get some perspective on things that are happening at the current moment. The redhead in line in front of me and the loneliness on her face. The contrived smile masking discontent. Successful and yet so lacking in any life satisfaction. So apparent in the inquisitive glance in my direction. Some partial lustful desire joined with her mouth turning downward as she realizes that thought is as fleeting as her youth. The biological clock within coming to it's final hour. As her focus turns to her work, something dies in her. We're all passing one another and not seeing anything. When I'm listening to someone, I only really hear half of what they say to me. I hear it and am present, but lack the strength to give them my complete focus. I get tired of hearing myself speak because I know it's falling upon deaf ears. People waiting for something of real worth to them to actually listen. When their eyes lose the glaze and you see their face appear as their interest is keyed. This is Los Angeles in the faces of successful people. Autonomous. Distinct. I am very much one of these people right now. I am fearful what people will think of me for the first time in my life. The problem is, the people I fear don't live here.