AND THEN?

This is part 2 to the one below. Had to go buy a bottle of Sanvgiovese. And then...back to it. The neighbors are fucking failures. It's like a life gone wrong in LA. That should be a show. Divorcees and unhappy couples just basically waiting to die. The decrepit prostitute from long ago who walks her arthritic dogs down the avenue. The recently rewarded trophy wife with the new Lexus who is content because she is quite simply free and rich. And yet she lives here. I guess this is her idea of "modest living." I think you might be getting the picture of how disgusted I am by the basic idea of life here. I'm talking about this entire city by the way. Like an alien life form trying to fit into a mold that undefined. Twisting and turning without reason. Race and ideals without any real definition. No unifying morality or religion. And yet, it's so damn interesting even though I can't relate in my wildest dreams. It's like a Niche experiment in how life can sustain with just one common ideal...survival. Everyone hates each other but things still somehow push on. An inept and somewhat homicidal police force to keep the peace. Better in the (insert rich white word here) areas. And this feeds a focus but yet brings about no real change. It simply continues. It makes no progress. Segregation by choice. Mexico exists here. Korea exists here. Armenia exists here. More Armenians here than in Armenia. That is the truth. The book is beginning. It is solidifying in my mind. I am going to buy a Holga this week. Video would never do it justice but will play it's part. A project, the one I've been thinking about since I was a child, will come to fruition soon. Spending years, as I do, just trying to make sense of it all. It's the idea at the end of the road that I'm trying to realize. I catch a glimpse in the beginning and spend years putting into some form that can be understood. That is my process. This one is a big one. Maybe the most meaningful of my life. While the fire is still intact. While my disgust still has angst and has yet to turn to sadness and apathy. This, what I've been writing about here, will be one chapter. It will also be an underlying theme to the entirety of this work. Maybe the main theme. I can't believe it's taken me this long to understand that fact. I really could write all night right now and maybe I will but not here.