Voice Recorder

I need a voice recorder. I had to write it. I could put three pages into what will now take me 20 minutes of scrambled fumbling. Rethinking my spelling and grammar. Mazzy Star helps loads in my ears. We go through these phases. These cycles of human interaction. So many of us are distracted for the entirety of our lives. There is no quiet time for self reflection. We have a constant stimulus of people that remains our distraction. We visit these rare periods when we are alone. Alone for the duration. That spawns our thought and ideas of who we truly are. That really makes us who we are. It's the experience that we live but it's the coming home that lets us reflect on what we've learned. Without the reflection, we are simply pushing on and autonomous. The experience is never really incorporated. With too much reflection, like what I'm living now, and to be truthful how I always live, you become secluded. You lose the ability to relate to others. The sound of others seems somehow foreign. It seems abrasive. Children laughing becomes an annoyance. You are picturing the elderly in your mind at this moment. These people, disconnected from family and bitter from life, give up and fade away. Like the dependent spouse, who dies because her companion fails to exist anymore. I hate my focus on myself. I hate reverting back to this every time. When all you do is think in this manner, you can't help but relate to how you can grow from what you are presented with. I relate to everyone and every fucking experience. Vicarious living and a daydream. We age. We understand more. How heavy the weight on our shoulders if we get to that old age. What the fuck was I talking about? Yeah, seclusion. These artists that both you and I revere. Their lives were fucking horrific. That's what spawns creation. Pain. Loneliness. Inability to relate and a necessary escape to something that makes sense. Dropping off the deep end is the only thing that ever gets you there. If you're in the middle of interest rates and blah blah blah....you're not pushing anything. The abyss is the only place for creativity. The loss of thought and a real step out of anything you know. That's the only time I've ever been at my best. A delirium that only arrives after a 24 hour period of sleep deprived panic. I've hear this described as a scapegoat and an easy target for a foolish focus of an inferior mind. Somehow, this process became a failure. You wake up and take another look and it's not good anymore. This is not the truth. A statement presented to us through storytellers and not artists. With all we know, we have to discard most of it. It's presented to us as fact and really is bullshit. Look at a history book and talk to a scholar. That's our whole fucking life! In our time, this always brings up Putin as an example. A president, a murderer, a gangster, a world figure. This is the whole of our history. Diluted by politics and tainted by those who chose what would survive. This is continuing. Now it's flooded but all the same a hundred years from now. We will value those who tell us the truth and it will be a few within a lifetime. Do you know anyone who you can trust to tell you the truth about what is happening? Michael Moore? Still slanted...way slanted. Does anyone but me think about how our history is really becoming lost at an exponential state? Newspapers and books are being cast aside as a dictionary is established by anyone who wants to write. Add to it. No problem. Subscriptions are required for any legal knowledge and court cases affecting our every day life. I search for fact and I am presented with a flood of useless information that I can't trust. So what do I do? I entertain myself out of frustration and am pacified by the result. Instead of writing something worthwhile, I look at stupid photos. I really would like to quote a blog (hate that fucking word) in MLA format. Should I cite the date or the image header with the "that's what she said" picture from "The Office" professor? This is progression? I am really worried about the next decade. I said the same about the last and look what has happened. Our history is being lost and no one seems to give a fuck. Everyone is scrambling and fighting and all truth is just going away. You can't trust our government. You can't trust reliable sources (at all now) who have existed for over a century. And yet I'm complaining. I guess I should try and do something about it. I guess I can take over Newscorp right.