Get it out

Watched "Control" today about the story of Joy Division. There's a part that always rings strong with me regarding what he wrote about performing. About giving all that he had an how it exhausted him. I relate to that point. It's funny and sad at the same time how I relate and compare myself to people like this. I've been very self reflective lately and trying to decide where I want to focus the current direction of my life. How I'm really sick of being exploited and used. I walk softly but I don't really have a big stick that I'm carrying. Yes, I realize the sexual connotation of that statement. I constantly have to remind myself of who I am and that I don't want to change in many ways. I'm struggling with so much right now. The feelings that I hold onto for far longer than I should. This hope that just doesn't go away. It remains when my brain has moved on. It's those times when you wish you could cut your heart out for a spell and just breathe. Stop thinking. I hate this part. We all do I think. When you watch a distance build until any closeness is gone. What a sad statement.