It's really just for me

I've been trying to write more lately and this seems like as good as place as any. The majority of my writing lately has consisted of sustaining my fucked up sense of love. My failing inadequacies as they become more apparent and persist in a way that I cannot change...or will not I suppose. Anyway, I'm breaking from that mode. Tonight, I'm thinking about the state of things and how we have as a society and world really broken away from the past. My thoughts come in waves and I reflect on earlier thoughts. This way that we are really not condemned to repeat the past as an ideal is so flawed. Nothing is new and that is why I am so damn bored! I'm sick of the punk on the corner without any idea of where his angst should be coming from. No idea where his style originates and how he is responsible for pushing it to where it is now. I know I'm sounding like some old fuck whining about changes. I'm not. I'm always aware of changes and I usually embrace them as they propel us into something new. This is not the case right now. We don't care and the apathy is growing. It's overtaking us and it's overwhelming. As a collective body, we as people are coming into something dangerous. We don't care anymore. We can't keep up with the atrocities and have no real control anyway. Write your congressman. Fuck your congressman! When you hate your president, how is your congress going to change anything? I feel this general malaise that shadows everything I see or hear. I don't think I'm alone. Obama is one good conquest but it's still on the same destructive path. I hear every optimistic thought coming at me right now because that's what they should be doing. I'm no longer optimistic. The malaise is like the ether. The "stuff" that just exists. It's woven itself into everything. A general distrust. A failure in ability to act and make a real difference. The repetitious art that is drawing from the past and not pushing forward. Playing into our emotions because that's all that is left. We need to feel good because we can't look outside without knowing it's disgusting. I really hope I'm wrong about all this and it's just me in my corner watching with a fucked up and out of touch perception of things. I really doubt it. Fuck, the art is still happening. It still inspires me but I really have to search for it. There's so much bullshit out there. I guess it's the fucking value being associated with art. If it's really great, it's instantly turned into a marketing tool. Music becomes a commercial. Visual art is associated with whatever brand. Collaboration is a bad word. It doesn't stand on its own and the starving artist is quickly learning how to make money. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying I don't like it. Nothing is autonomous. It's all woven together into the malaise and the capitalist ideal is making it worse. It's time for bed. I'll wake up tomorrow and it'll be a little bit worse. Just like yesterday. Just like last year and the year before. I'm really hoping that the day will come when it's a little bit better. I haven't seen one of those days in so long. But I really am hoping, for all of us, that they day will come when I wake up and it's a little bit brighter.