Sometimes

I need to write but it all seems like garbage right now. Like the textbook (not literally) writer who is throwing away reams of paper because they can't start something of worth. They write and throw away. That sums up today and how I feel about my general state of being. It's not worth starting. One has to be sick of reading my madness. I over think everything and things linger for too long. My distractions are the only things that keep me sane. I have no idea how one can live without distraction. There are those who can but it seems that their focus determines their whole lives. Instead of distraction, they live for that end. Disregard a normal life and substitute one for another. It's a rule for me that I have to live this life. I have to make mistakes and I have to forsake my safety for this lust for knowledge and experience. I feel like I'm aging at an amazing pace and pretty soon it's all going to be over. When it's over, I want to feel like I tried. No matter how I feel in general, and it's not good, I want to feel satisfied that I did everything I could do. That I tried to push this weight...up. Friends who are distant. Life that is forsaken. It's really time for change. A miserable life is not what I want. A hard life is what I definitely want.