How I'm feeling

Sometimes, everything feels bland. You turn the music up as loud as you can because you think you might be able to feel something. You don't eat for a couple days because it just doesn't seem to be worth it. You stay in bed all day because why would you want to get up anyway. Instead, you pacify yourself in a half-awake dream state because that's the only time you dream. Somehow in the back of your mind, you tell yourself that this is for the best. Even though your experience is like a blaring siren about what the future now holds. Revisiting the pain of the truth. All the worries and self judgments becoming exposed as the blanket of emotion is slowly removed. When you focus on the end in the beginning, you cut yourself off. How do you change the way in which you think? How do you become oblivious to things that are sitting right in front of you? Is it really possible to just close your eyes...to close your thought? How do you do that? The best that one can do is just decide to go ahead with it. To hope that you're wrong even though you are never fucking wrong. To try and enjoy what you have until the day comes when it disappears. When your vision becomes truth.